Dating Chronicles – The Manipulator Turns Out to Be a Sociopath
Well, if any of you read my post from June 20th called “Dating Chronicles After Being With A Narcissist – The Manipulator” just know that this IS a follow-up post about the SAME damn person!
Last weekend was FULL of eye-opening revelations and epiphanies about this man I was once dating. Did I think I was the “only one”? No, I didn’t based on his suspicious behavior patterns. But, folks it’s one thing to “think” it and it’s an entirely different thing to have proof and confirmation. And, I’m not just talking about a ‘little bit’ of proof. I’m talking about the MEGA MOTHERSHIP!
Long story short – here are the highlights:
He lives with one woman (Woman #1)
I never knew about this one! Oh, he invited me to come over, spend the night on plenty of occasions and even told me he had bought me my own set of pink towels…but I never made it over there because they have cat which I’d be deathly allergic to
He even told me he was going to give me a key to said apartment
He got another woman (Woman #2) to put that BMW car that he got pulled over in Father’s Day weekend in HER name
Mind you…this idiot has been driving around on a suspended license
Not only was he sending me pictures of cars asking me “Babe, what do you think about this car?” but he also gave me a long, drawn out story about how he ended up getting that car and told his cousin (my BFF) something else - but either way he was so proud & happy to have gotten that car
When he got pulled over, he was just a couple minutes from her house but calls Woman #3 to tell her he’s about to get arrested and he needs her to bail him out
The car ended up getting impounded and since he was kept in jail for several days it incurred all types of fees which he stuck Woman #2 with
Woman #3 is a mother of 5 kids, who like me and another “Ex” of his, has a good job, some health challenges and a tremendously huge, kind heart which this A-Hole “preys” on (Hmmm, it’s definitely becoming clear that he has a “type” he preys on)
During the course of dating Woman #3, she’d found out about Woman #4 (not sure what happened to her)
The timing of him dating Woman #3 (and maybe Woman #4) overlaps with him supposedly dating me (Woman #5, I guess!)
The “nephew” he took in because according to him the boy’s mom is his niece and got into some drug-related trouble. She is supposedly in jail due to some drug related activities between her and her man. He told us that the 8-year old boy is one of five kids - just the only boy. He said that he and his other family members took in the kids so they wouldn’t get put into foster care.
But, actually the boy an only child vs. 1 of 5 kids
His mother is not in jail and hasn’t been
Apparently, she is a lesbian and has said the only good thing to come of being with a man is her son
I would bet money that the boy is his son! Don’t have “confirmation”, but they look too much alike, just different shades of skin
I would also bet money that there are more kids that he either denies or doesn’t know about
While he only managed to get $200-$300 out of me, he has milked Woman #3 for almost $2,000 via Cash App and that does not include actual cash that she’s handed him
He’s given Woman #3 a “ring” that in all likelihood is probably one he gave to another woman paid for by another woman because he NEVER spends his own money for anything. This is especially interesting because Woman #3 is technically not divorced yet, but he’s got to do whatever it takes to “secure” that $$$
Woman #3 was getting ready to put a car in HER NAME and PAY for it so that he can have a car. That’s the 2nd woman so far putting a 2nd car in her name for this fool that doesn’t have a driver’s license because it’s suspended
Woman #3 is CLEARLY his “golden goose” and #1 meal ticket. He has his claws so deep into her that after ALL she’s learned and ALL I’ve shared with her she hasn’t been able to bring herself to cutting him off or blocking him out of her life for her own good
This almost 40 year old man has little to no credit history! Aside from an inquiry and a collection from 2017, it is absolutely blank. How is that possible? All evidence points to him living off of others’ kindness, generosity and $$$$
OK well, Woman #3 and I compared “notes” and stories about what he did and said to her vs. what he did and said to me. Our stories are ALMOST identical… but there are some key differences as well.
He sent us both “Good Morning Beautiful Woman” texts
He sent us both mushy, lovey dovey e-cards from American Greetings
He would make plans with us and then stand us both up ALL the time
He led us both to believe he wanted a serious, long-term “future” with us based on what he said
He made us both “FEEL” beautiful, sexy, wanted, desired…and like we were the “only one”
He talked about trips and was always saying that he was buying us stuff…stuff which we’ve never seen or received
He told us both that we were “his woman” and I’m sure called us both “Babe” (along with other women on social media I’ve seen him call “Babe”)
He said that “we were a FAMILY” (me/her, him, his nephew/son and daughter) and that he was “our man”
He knew I was a different breed of woman and that he was going to have to “elevate his game” so he never talked to me crazy or curse (until the very end)
However, I understand Woman #3 interacts with him completely different – he’s rude, aggressive, demanding, and disrespectful
We never went out on a date – mostly because by his behavior patterns I KNEW he wasn’t going to pay and he’d try to stick me with the bill. I mean, when he did come over to my place we ate my food, I bought groceries for HIM to cook, he ate my snacks and was always vaping my good stuff. That was enough to let me know what kind of man he was!
However, they have gone out on a few dates and true to form he’s stuck her with paying for EVERYTHING from dinners, movies, etc. Every movie “we” were supposed to go to never happened, but he managed to sucker her into buying the tickets for him and his kids…and here’s the kicker folks she never went with him. But he certainly posts “family movie night” on social media as if HE IS PAYING for everything!
There are other major LIES he’s told her that I won’t detail but that I have NEVER heard
In a desperate attempt to keep his clutches in Woman #3 and downplay his time with me, he tells her she’s “different” and she should feel special because he took her out amongst “his family” and he didn’t do that for me
Bottom line is he knows exactly what he’s doing between one woman to the next. Some lies are the same. But then to get what he wants and what he knows he can get from one woman to the next, he “tweaks his game.” I’ll hand it to him…he’s a smooth, charming mutherfucka! In no way do I believe that there aren’t more innocent women out here being taking advantage of by this fool.
Once he learned that she knew about me, he tried to DENY any (real) involvement with me. Of course, at first, he called me the liar. He tried to totally “downplay” our time together. Of course, the “OH SHIT” moment hit him like a ton of bricks once he realized that she and I had actually talked. I’m sure he felt backed in corner and thus had to think REAL quick to back peddle and come up with new lies. When she checked him about throwing me under the bus and dogging me out, he quickly switched his strategy up and admitted to “everything” (I doubt that but he ‘fessed up).
Then, rather than bad mouthing me, he started speaking well of me and said the reason why we would never work out was because I didn’t want a family or kids. Hmmm, that’s odd because I do recall him telling me he was done with kids and didn’t want anymore. I did tell him from day one that I was never getting married again and I can’t have kids at this stage of my life. So which is it fool?!? He also said I travel a lot and he’s just not ready to be with someone like me. He also said that I was too “above him” and he wasn’t on my level. Well, at least he got THAT RIGHT!! I am too good for your sorry ass! Once I’d had enough of his bullshit, I made sure to tell him that I knew my worth, I deserved better and certainly more from anyone who was going to try and claim me as “his woman.”
He also said the reason it didn’t work out with us was because I wasn’t that big into sex. Well, sweetheart, if you actually gave some good dick then maybe I would have been “into it WITH YOU” more. Maybe you’re in denial and I certainly don’t believe it’s because of your supposed cancer…but you clearly have erectile dysfunction issues! You can get hard, but you can’t stay hard! It was actually quite disappointing. Now we both agreed though that your tongue game is on point, but you might want to see a doctor about your other big issue.
The more I learned last week the more my heart just breaks for Woman #3, while at the same time I am so freaking pissed off at him for doing this to her! Woman #3 is so caught up dead smack in the middle of his web of lies, deceit and manipulation. He’s got her mind, heart and $$$ all wrapped around his pinky. Despite ALL the proof this woman has been given by the universe, she is still standing by his side, giving him more money and paying for his lifestyle. She is still entertaining him and deciding what to do with him.
Apparently, she’s the one who sent him the link to my first blog post and asked him “Is there something you want to tell me?” which started this insane roller coaster. He told her he’s worried about future employers Googling him. Let’s be real & keep it '“100” Boo! You’re not worried about employers Googling you. You’re worried about ALL YOUR OTHER WOMEN and potential, future targets Googling you and finding these blog posts about YOU! Let’s not get it twisted…THAT is what you don’t want to happen. But I tell you what Babe, I bet you won’t step to me and ask me to take it down. You may try to go thru her or someone else to ask me, but I promise you they aren’t going anywhere.
WOMAN TO WOMAN
Girlfriend, first let me say I have absolutely nothing against you. I’m not mad at you either. You had no knowledge of me when this fool came after you. I had no knowledge of you. Second, let me say that I feel you…I really do. We are what you call “empaths” and we’re easy prey for assholes like him. After hearing what all that asshole has put you through, I really just wanted to give you a big ole hug as all of this was coming out in the open. You know why? Because I WAS YOU at one point in my life not that long ago. I was in an 8-year marriage with a narcissistic sociopath. I’ve written all about it on my blog, so I encourage you to read my story and take advantage of the resources I’ve collected. That’s why I can recognize where you are right now with “Him.” It took four years of the worst abuse of my life, which was EVERYTHING but physical, to FINALLY SEE & ADMIT that I was in an abusive marriage. I ignored ALL the red flags – even the BLATANT ones because I didn’t want to see the truth. I didn’t want to hear the truth. I made excuses for him constantly. I believed things would or could get better. I thought he would see the error of his behaviors and change if he really loved me. I also thought that I could handle him. I thought I was “strong enough” to master and beat him at his own game. In reality though, I didn’t love myself enough to know that I deserved better.
You want to know how that turned out? Nothing changed. He remained the same. In fact, once he saw I had smartened up things got worse in some ways. But over those 8 years, I lost friendships that meant the world to me because of him. My health took a serious turn for the worst and he was literally killing me from the inside out. At some point, I decided I needed to understand WHY I chose him. I needed to understand WHY I stayed with him after he showed me who he was time…and time…and time again. I needed to understand WHY I keep choosing the wrong men and bouncing from one to the next. Looking for and chasing “love” (aka “a man”) in all the wrong places for most of my life.
So, I decided to do the work on me to get the answers that I needed. I had three therapists over 8 years who each in their own way showed me that deep inside I was a heart-broken, wounded little girl who needed healing. I had some mommy and daddy issues. I had identity issues. I had self-worth issues. And while I was good at masking all of that, it was always present. Until I healed myself, I was going to keep making the same bad choices in men and repeat the pattern. I am still a work in progress, but you know what I KNOW my worth now! And, I will not tolerate anything LESS than what I deserve – and that has NOTHING to do with money or material things from a man. It has EVERYTHING to do with respect, honesty, loyalty, humility, and compassion. NONE of which HE has an inkling of in his body.
So when our mutual Fool repeatedly stood me up and I KNEW he was lying and up to “something”, I told him I wasn’t putting up with it and we can just “be friends.” He’d come back with his “you’re right. I’m wrong. I don’t want you as my friend, I want you as my lady…and for it to develop into something more” bull crap. He’d give me his famous “I can show you better than I can tell you” line in reference to the changes I needed him to show me. I told him I needed better communication, total honesty, for him to be a “man of his word” and consistency. He talked like he understood and was going to change. But NOTHING did…he stayed consistently INCONSISTENT. And, I’m sorry… but I don’t have the time, energy or patience to deal with a grown ass man’s bullshit or drama. I love me some ME now and my peace of mind more than ANYTHING, ANY MAN could ever say or do. And THAT Girlfriend is truly EMPOWERING!
So, Girlfriend, I have to ask you WHY are you still entertaining this fool? We have established that ALL he EVER does is TAKE, TAKE, TAKE from you, me and all the other women we know about. And, please believe there are others you don’t know about…YET! WHAT is it, girlfriend, that he does to you and for you? I used to think the ONLY thing he could bring to the table was sex…but as we both well know that isn’t even good. The only things he’s PROVEN he’s about or he brings to the table are his countless LIES, CHEATING, and constant manipulations & schemes to get money and material things.
So WHY in the world are you sacrificing your health and well-being, your kids’ well-being and your hard earned resources (money, credit, etc.) to take care of a grown ass man who’s damn near 40 years old? I get that his smooth words, cute nicknames and coming off like he cares for your well-being, safety and protection make you feel beautiful, sexy, wanted, desired and maybe even “loved.” I GET IT! I get that on the RARE occasion you do see him, his hugs and kisses feel divine. I get that laying on his chest and snuggling up next to him feel like heaven. But Girlfriend, EVERY word that comes out of his mouth and everything he does are for his gain and benefit! He does not respect women – they are just a means to his end in order to fund his lifestyle.
Do you have daughters? If so, ask yourself is this the example or legacy you want to give her? Believe me, what happens to you and every choice you make affect your kids big time. So, think about what you are teaching them – even though they haven’t even met him yet. Or better yet, what have they already learned from your choices in relationships? Sis, and I mean this from a place of love and concern, you’ve got to do better - for yourself and your kids - when it comes to your relationships with men. But, until you know how and the “WHY” you’re going to stay in this same cycle of choosing and staying with the wrong ones like I used to.
Let me give you this last piece of advice that I learned firsthand: What you seek from men you must first learn to give to yourself. LOVE comes from within YOU first. You will continue to choose the wrong men and be taken advantage of so long as you refuse to do the work on yourself to HEAL YOU. Follow the resources from the pictures above. Find a good therapist. Do the work on YOU to heal what needs healing. I do hope to meet you one day, but understand that while you and he are still “involved” in any way form or fashion, I must protect my peace and the growth I’ve worked so hard to accomplish.
MY LAST WORDS TO THE SOCIOPATH
Babe (since that’s what I called you when we dated), you have proven to be one of the worst, lying, scheming, manipulating, pieces of shit I have ever encountered in my entire life. I thought my ex-husband was bad, but you may have him beat! You had me and anyone you did come around that I know FOOLED completely – except for your cousin, of course, though even she didn’t fathom the depths of your corruptness.
I thank God that my past relationship and the “universe” let me know early what a gold digging, pathological liar and sociopath you truly are. I don’t believe one word of ANYTHING you ever told me. I’ve heard and know more about you than you could imagine or that I could write in this blog post. I see you crystal clear for who and what you really are. Your entire life is funded entirely by other people – men and women. You perpetrate and present yourself as something you are not. You are a total FAKE. You have no remorse, no moral compass, no conscience and absolutely no soul. You are toxic poison to the women you claim to love. You talk mad game to use and abuse them in order to get what you want. You bring ABSOLUTELY NOTHING – NO VALUE, NO DECENCY, NO HUMANITY to the women you prey on and target.
But you see… Babe, you messed with THE WRONG ONE.
As my girl from #GoT Arya Stark said, #NOTTODAY!
Do you feel karma tapping you on the shoulder yet? I hope you do Boo! I hope your world comes crashing down all around you…bit by bit…and you get what you deserve for everything you’ve ever done to someone else.