Telling This Truth (Act 2): My Homily

If you haven't read my post entitled "Telling This Truth (Act 1): Where I'm From - the Sacred Writings", #1 encourage you to do so and #2 it's from the theatrical event I was in with 9 other survivors of domestic/sexual abuse. A wonderful organization by the name of HopeWorks of Howard County put it on last month and I was honored to be part of it. Little did any of us know that "our stories" were LITERALLY going to be the "script" for the play.

A "homily" is a speech or sermon with the purpose of providing "insight" into the meaning of something and relate it to the lives of others. I am paraphrasing that a bit as it generally has reference to a religious, spiritual context. However, "HEALING" is highly spiritual. So in that respect calling Act 2 "Homilies" was quite fitting.

HealingQuoteWhitfield.jpg

"Where I'm From Doesn't Matter"

I’m from parents who “provided” but did little else for me emotionally
A childhood full of loneliness, emptiness and extreme sadness
I’m from a house where a monster…(Naww, let’s keep it real)
PEDOPHILE lived in the basement
From a family that offered this little girl no real protection or safety
And where deep history of abuse and generations old incest abound
Because where I’m from doesn’t matter.

I’m from a family who taught me to do what’s expected
Yet, I’ve spent a lifetime feeling I don’t belong
Like a stranger in my own family
I’ve spent my entire life trying to “fit in” everyone’s “boxes” 
Just to be liked and accepted
Only to waste decades looking for & chasing love in all the wrong places
Because where I’m from doesn’t matter.

I’m from two generations of women who lost their “voice”
Or who deliberately chose not to use it when needed most
I’m from countless failed relationships
Eight years…EIGHT YEARS of narcissistic abuse at the hands of an ex-husband
I’m from never wanting to procreate or even be called someone’s “mother”
Terrified to inflict on them what was passed on to me
I’m from ALL of these places and yet somehow here I stand
Because where I’m from doesn’t matter.

I’m from living life as an OCD perfectionist
Fear of failure running through my veins
I’m from walking on eggshells
And accepting disrespect and dishonor from men
Bouncing from one to the next for fear of being all alone
Because where I’m from doesn’t matter.

I’m from a place where no self-love existed
Neither did self-esteem or self-respect
I’m from false confidence and a hollow but frail ego
Hiding all my insecurities, fears, anger, pain...and let's not forget the shame
I’m from learning how to be totally independent
Rely on NO ONE but myself
Because where I’m from doesn’t matter.

I’m from a monstrous ex-husband who set out to destroy me
Beat me down to nothing with words and deeds
I’m from hitting rock bottom and wishing I wasn’t breathing
Years of depression, anxiety and physical ailments
Yet, despite everything I’ve gained and lost
I’m from a place of courage and strength
(Huh…) Not sure who or where I get it from
Because where I’m from doesn’t matter.
            
What matters is not where you or I are from
It’s where we’ve been that makes us who we’re meant to be
What matters is whether we’ve learned from our mistakes
How we’ve grown from our own pain and suffering
What matters is our integrity and character
The type of person you are at your core
Because where we’re from doesn’t matter.

What matters is learning how to love yourself
For who you are…NOT who or what you’re not
What matters is accepting your past does not define you
And trust me beloved SELF-FORGIVENESS will FREE you
What matters is knowing you alone are enough
Because where we’re from doesn’t matter.

What matters is choosing YOU
Knowing YOU matter to God, your family & your friends
What matters is knowing that YOU are important
Your voice matters
Your opinion matters
What matters is knowing that you can dream
You can be your own boss
You can build your own empire
Because where we’re from doesn’t matter.

What matters is knowing you are a:
Determined
Intelligent
Victorious
Achiever
Yeah, that’s right – you’re a “DIVA”
YOU are a DIVA who is
Daring to step
Into your destiny
Very graciously
And ALWAYS confidently

What matters is knowing you are beautiful, strong & talented
What matters is knowing your self-worth & believing in yourself
And ALWAYS trust your gut instinct
What matters is realizing the importance of self-care
Know that Self-Care & Self-Love are NOT “luxuries”…
They are DIVINE responsibilities!
So, take some “me-time” ‘cuz it’s good for your soul
Look good
Smell good
Feel good
Do YOU girl!
Because where we’re from doesn’t matter.

Promise me that you ALWAYS be a “FLY” DIVA
”FIRST...LOVE...YOURSELF”
What matters is knowing that whatever you go through
You, my love, are not alone
What matters is knowing there is a (global) sisterhood of
Warrior Divas (like YOU & ME) who have your back
What matters is knowing how to be the true DIVA
You are destined to be
So...
Be thankful (for your past)
Be grateful (for the journey)
Be Blessed (to be alive - share your story!)
Because, after all…where we’re from DOES NOT matter.

Thank you for reading my story. If YOU have one of your own, I encourage you to SHARE it with others who may benefit from reading it.
— Laura Moreno-Davis