Are You SINGLE? If Yes, Then You MUST Read This!
At the beginning of this month, a coworker of mine who's known around the office as the "church girl" bugged me to death to come support a singles workshop she was putting on at her church. Now, let me tell you...I don't give up my Saturday mornings easily. But this chick will work your nerves 'til she gets what she wants.
So, I went and despite the fact that it was a little "too churchy" for me for the first 30-45 minutes and her pastor was late, I actually did manage to get a few pearls of wisdom that are worth sharing. Not to mention the pastor was female and Jamaican = HILARIOUS!!!
One of the first things she said was that studies show Washington DC is the "single capital of the U.S." She went on to talk about the topic of being "single" in today's world and shared several pearls of wisdom that apply to both single men and women.
There were several key messages she went over worth sharing:
KNOW who you are
BE HAPPY with who you are
"Favor" = Approval of God - When it finds you, it never comes empty handed!
Be completely & absolutely single -> No Baggage! You need to be healed and totally over your last relationship before entering into another one
Don't be afraid to be alone. There's a BIG difference between being "alone" and being "lonely"
Be HONEST about who you are
Do NOT compromise or hide who you are
Don't be "pretentious"
Don't settle for something God has not given you
Don't sell yourself short
You have to trust that you are God's BEST
You have to KNOW & ACCEPT who YOU are FIRST!
Don't' give up too much too soon
Don't let hormones get you into something you have no business being in! Your body is a TEMPLE so treat it as such
AVOID serial daters who can't commit
AVOID toxic situations - recognize the red flags and stick to your standards! Don't compromise on those
Be wary of predators! There are plenty of men and women who prey on others
Be ready and willing for honest disclosure between both parties
If you are not ready to sever ties with your past, don't get into a new relationship
If you have to change who you are (pretend to be someone else or something you're not), you're going to be miserable!
Be with someone where you are FREE TO BE YOU!
If you are single and desire to be married, ask yourself the following questions:
What am I looking for in a spouse?
Do I possess the qualities that I want in someone else?
Choosing a life partner is one of the most exciting and most difficult things to do in life. Sometimes we destroy good relationships because of unrealistic expectations of the other person or of the relationship. You should not self-sabotage a potentially good relationship with crazy demands. Expectations should be based on the Bible, not imperfect humans.
Ladies, take a hard look at how the man you're interested in or dating treats his mother because that's exactly how he will treat you! Know who you are and know when to tell people to keep their hands, lips and other body parts off of you. When you know who you are, you will NOT SETTLE for less than what God has in store for you.
Ladies & Gentlemen : When a man or woman SHOWS you who they are the FIRST time, please BELIEVE them! Believe them for WHO they are...not the fantasy of who you want him or her to be in the relationship. Avoid toxic situations. LISTEN & pay attention to any/all "red flags" - do NOT ignore those when they arise! Listen to your "gut" instinct. Don't be blinded by the "emotions" that come with something "new."
Some of us have been through HELL & BACK in previous relationships. We may still have open wounds that have never healed. If you are in a relationship and you're knit picking trying to find something wrong with that person or the relationship itself, then YOU ARE NOT READY YET to be in a relationship! To go one deeper, we may have deep wounds from our past or our childhood that have never been dealt with. Those will manifest themselves in EVERY relationship we attempt to have with someone. It takes TWO completely SINGLE people to make a whole.
Don't be afraid to make a list of the following:
What "qualities" are you looking for? When you have your list, then you need to ask God to help you BE those same qualities.
"Objectives" for a relationship - Why do you want this person? Why do you want to get married?
Don't be afraid of the word "submission" because here's what it means:
Trusting somebody else's strength
Putting someone else before yourself
Relationships must be based on the INNER qualities because the "outside" changes. People change! Concentrate on the inner qualities of a person. Investigate what's on the inside and ask is it good or God?
Looks, money and materialistic possessions can't be the reason or basis for a lasting relationship. If it's based on that, it will NEVER work or last long!
A solid relationship is based on the quality of its content and foundation. Anything else can change in an instant! Quality of life is what matters, not your "status" in life.
Folks, if they seem or look "too good to be true" then it (PROBABLY) IS!! Focus on becoming the person God intends you to be so you can be the BEST spouse for who God chooses for you. WORK ON YOURSELF!!! I would add that if you don't LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, you cannot expect or demand someone to love you the way you should be loving yourself. YOU are responsible for your own happiness!
There were a couple of handouts with more information along with some Bible passages that go along with some of the message points. If you're interested, I've scanned them to a PDF. Click here to get them.
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, these key points resonated with me big time! It took me until my late 40's, 3 therapists, over 8 years of hell, and plenty of tears & pain to learn these valuable lessons!
My mother never taught me these things because she was never taught them by her mother and had her own abuse to overcome.