Let's Set The Record Straight
When Your Narc’s Flying Monkey Goes On The Attack
Recently, I got a couple of comments on a blog post I did which clearly didn’t set well with one of the Narc’s “flying monkeys.“ So much so, that the comments were very nasty and confrontational. Clearly, my decision to “out” the NarcX in a couple recent posts has caused quite the stir. One of his flying monkeys decided to yet again fight his battles for him. I originally thought the 1st comment was written by the NarcX himself and I replied. But, once I got the 2nd one, I questioned that altogether as it pretty much took responsibility for the 1st one. I’m positive this is someone who he talked about like a dirty dog for our entire relationship.
Well, for the record, this is MY blog and I will write about whatever and whoever I decide. If you don’t like it, stay off my page or unfollow me because frankly my dear I don’t give a damn. I will not be silenced, bullied, threatened or verbally attacked. I will not allow ANYONE - NarcX or any of his flying monkeys (friends or family) - to invalidate, negate, dismiss or minimize the eight years of narcissistic abuse I went through. I was under mental, emotional, psychological, verbal warfare in my own home for 8 years. NO ONE gets to tell me to “get over it” or I need to hurry up and “let it go.”
However, let’s be crystal clear.
My blog may be focused on this topic, but I can assure you my life is not! I am enjoying making up for lost time and finally living my BEST life! I have never been so at peace or so happy in my entire life. But, that doesn’t mean I ain’t going to spill the tea should the mood strikes, when a memory is triggered or when a good idea for a blog post pops up!
Was every second of every hour of every day abusive? No, of course not..but the majority of those 8 years was. An entire month did NOT go by where there wasn’t some sort of fight, argument or long period of his “silent treatment.” During our worst fights, I remember the NarcX would often throw some information about my past in my face. He threatened and intimidated me into telling him every minute detail about my past - “or else” there were hell & consequences to pay! And he used my past every chance he got to fight dirty. I remember being caught off guard and stunned as to how he would always find out stuff I hadn’t personally told him. It was years later that I found out he’d been invading my privacy and going through all my personal belongings - cell phones (work & personal), laptops, email, etc. Who knows what other methods or tactics he used to snoop. And so, somehow he’d found out personal details about my 1st marriage that I had not shared.
The verbal attacks from his flying monkey this past week was much like one of those fights between me and the Narcopath. She threw up details about my 1st marriage in her comments that could only have come from HIM. But, she only got one detail right because the rest were completely inaccurate. I fail to see exactly how my first marriage from 25 years ago is relevant at this point. But, to the asinine folks who want to mud sling my past against me, let me set the record straight once and for all. But, this is the last time I will ever do this or speak on this topic.
I grew up in a family that on the outside, it looked like we had it all - two parents, big house, nice cars, etc. But, the legacy I inherited was that of total dysfunction. My family’s pathology was decades of abuse, incest, brokenness, lies, secrecy, and absolutely no communication. There are secrets in my family that will be carried to the grave. I grew up with a pedophile for a grandfather in my basement. I’ve recently learned that my beloved grandmother sacrificed all five of her daughters to that monster. While they try to tell me “we don’t think” the monster touched me, no one can say for sure. I have memories no child should have had, while others are thankfully blocked. I’ve absolutely carried scars and baggage all my life as a result of no healthy foundation for relationships…no self-love, no self-respect, no-self worth. I had no model for setting “healthy boundaries” either considering there were none in our family or home.
When I married at 22 years of age the first time around, I married to ESCAPE! I wanted to get out of that house and get as far away as I could. But, as we all know, marrying the WRONG PERSON for the WRONG REASONS is a sure recipe for disaster! Eventually, problems arose and when I reconnected with someone who I thought at the time was the “love of my life” - well, one thing led to another. No, I’m not proud of that but hell, at this stage of my life I’m also no longer ashamed of it!
But here’s where the flying monkey got her facts twisted.
For the record, I left my first husband. I was the one who wanted a divorce. I was the one who filed for divorce. He didn’t want it. He wanted me to brush my infidelity under the rug and forget about it if I would just stay. He said he would forgive me if I would just keep quiet about it and not tell anyone. The marriage was flawed and doomed even without that. So, I did whatever the hell I needed to in order to get out of the marriage. And, I guess to get back at me, he decided to push up on one of my cousins who was living with us at the time. At that point, I didn’t give a damn. If anything, I was mad at her for betraying me. But, awe well - even your family members screw you over. In the end, I know I was totally in the wrong. Difference between the Narcopath and me? I owned it from day one and I carried that guilt deep down for a long time.
Let’s fast forward to the present. Ten years later, I met & married the WRONG PERSON for what I wanted to believe was for the right reasons, but it was at the WORST TIME of my life! The ONLY good thing that came out of those 8 years was being forced to go to therapy which helped me peel back the painful layers of my life - from childhood to adulthood. But I enjoyed therapy and decided while I didn’t appreciate being given an ultimatum to go, I went to benefit ME! It helped me understand a lot about common patterns from one generation to the next. How it all affected my thoughts & feelings about myself, the decisions and choices I’ve made, and the woman I became. So yeah, I’ve made lots of mistakes and am far from perfect.
In contrast, the NarcX came to a counseling session with me before I left him. He was supposed to be going to the owner of the practice for therapy, but that was short lived. He didn’t last a month and used every excuse in the book as to why he wasn’t going. But, in the session he came to with me he couldn’t even tell a story without either lying or telling half the truth. He will never do the real work on himself to get to the “root” of why he behaves like the monster he is.
While I’m accused of being or looking crazy…
I am not the one who put my hands on a pregnant woman and lied to everyone about it.
I didn’t go into rages and put my hands on my sons. I didn’t damn near choke one of them while in a rage while spitting in my face and calling the boy every profanity in the book. And then, minimized the whole episode, blamed the boy for the whole thing and lied about it.
You will NEVER hear the Narcopath OWN or show any remorse or regret for ANYTHING he’s done. It will ALWAYS be someone else’s fault. A Narcopath will always justify their horrific actions - especially if you’ve done something to them or if he even thinks you have.
Do you think the NarcX is ever told that there’s something wrong with him and he needs help?!
So, let me set the record straight once and for all:
I took an “L” when I met and started dating the NarcX.
I took an “L” when I ignored all the red flags and any advice my mom tried to give me.
I took an “L” when I bought the house with him.
I took an “L” when I made the biggest mistake of my life and married him.
I took an “L” when I didn’t get on the plane and leave with my mom when she came to get me.
I took an “L” when I stayed as long as I did because I foolishly thought I was “strong enough” to handle it and delusional to even think it would get any better or that he would change.
I claimed a “W” when I woke the hell up and started reclaiming my voice.
I claimed a “W” when I started making my escape plan.
I claimed a “W” when I was blessed with the job that enabled me to finally leave.
I claimed a “W” when I told him I’d had enough of his B.S. and I was leaving him.
I claimed a “W” when I moved the hell out of that house of horrors.
I claimed a “W” every time I’m able to tell my story with the world…over and over again.