Dating Profile of a Narcissist
In case you didn’t know, I met my ex-husband online a little over 10 years ago now. I look back now and am amazed at how the times have changed! Back then, there weren’t all these dating “apps” either. Yeah, the “eHarmony” and “Match.com” sites existed, but you had to “online date” via your computer.
None of this “swipe left” or “swipe right” business. I can’t believe there are hundreds of dating sites and apps now! A decade ago, it was still sorta taboo and somewhat embarrassing to let your friends & family know that you were dating someone you met online. I remember for several years “our story” was to tell folks we met through a mutual friend when they asked us how we met. We eventually started admitting the truth (we met via “Yahoo Personals”) to certain close friends, but I remember we both felt some kinda way at first.
Times have certainly changed - and I’m not so sure for the better!
I mean after dealing with a narcissistic sociopath for 8 years in total, I’m VERY cautious about meeting…much less dating…anyone from an online anything!
But, since leaving & divorcing the NarcX, I have tried Bumble out twice. I’ll admit it was “fun” for a while and I even tried a another site or two. But, it’s still mostly just one big GAME of chances! Everyone is hedging their bets to maximize their dating “options” across multiple sites. Guys want to know right away “do you send ‘pics of yourself’”? Like REALLY?!?! Or, they are too eager to “meet you” in order to size you up. They text and call until you do…then, their interest fades and they move on to the next female while “ghosting you.” Like anything else, it’s “a process” and one in which I’ve lost the energy and patience for.
Fast forward to about a couple months ago, I found out Bumble has expanded their business into “Bumble BFF” and “Bumble Bizz” so I was curious to learn more. As a lifestyle blogger and budding womenpreneur, I wanted to primarily check out the BFF & Bizz offerings. So, I decided to create another Bumble Account for that main purpose. After about a month, I was disappointed and realized it really wasn’t worth my time. I was about to deactivate my account when curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take another look at the “Bumble Date” section.
Well within about 10-15 minutes, my NarcX’s profile & picture pops up! It startled me at first, but then I couldn’t help but scroll thru his pictures and read his bio. I just shook my head! I have to admit I am a tad confused since just a few short months ago he had a girlfriend that he took to Jamaica with him for his 50th birthday. (But hey, maybe she got lucky, found my blog & a ‘lightbulb’ went off for her to RUN!)
So, if you have EVER wondered what a true narcissistic sociopath looks like and how he goes on the “hunt” for his next narc supply (aka “prey") allow me to show you.
Not too shabby, huh ladies?!?! I don’t remember what all he said about himself in the old Yahoo Personal profile, but I do remember he posted an old pic of him with no shirt in Jamaica (that’s his favorite “go to” island). And, I can say with certainty, this beach/ocean pic is in Jamaica too since he just went there for his 50th birthday in June.
Now, let’s take a closer look ladies at his “bio” and allow me to make a few comments & observations.
Name: He is using one of his “social alias” - “Chas” - short for Charles. In his 20’s and maybe early part of his 30’s, “Chas” was a male stripper in the DMV area. He seems to use “Chas” when he’s “out there” doing who knows what.
Occupation: I can confirm he’s in the accounting/finance field, but that is a made up company name. I know the real name of his company, but won’t disclose that at this time. This fool is anything BUT “successful” ladies!
School: I can confirm he went to Howard University, but I’m not sure what the year listed is supposed to mean. Charles never graduated from Howard. He supposedly had one semester left and dropped out when he found out he was going to be a dad with his oldest son. He got into his exotic dancing career for the next 10 years and never went back to finish either. Neither did he ever pay his undergraduate school loans (as of 2015 they were almost $80,000!). But, he will “front” like he has a degree from Howard U.
Bio: I have swiped HUNDREDS of these profiles and never have I come across one that had to say they were “very attractive” much less start a profile with that! Even his bio comes across self-centered. You can generally “weed” out arrogant types right away by their photos. You know the ones constantly in the mirror or laying on the bed with no shirt on…or in the gym flexing. Believe me, this one will take longer to get ready than YOU & will spend more time in the bathroom & mirrors than you. The amount of products he has will also rival yours! Lolol
”Chas” may make it a little tricky to maybe figure that out up front. Yes, he is very attractive, loves the gym, golfing, and he can be quite silly & funny. I’ll admit his smile does appear “warm & genuine” at first glance. But, Oh Baby! When I say this man is the devil and pure evil, I mean you have NO IDEA. If someone told me that I wouldn’t have believed them either though!
What his bio doesn’t say is the following:
He is divorced and has two sons that want NOTHING to do with him.
He is a classic, textbook “narcissistic sociopath.”
He is manipulative, vindictive and a pathological liar.
He has been and probably still is a womanizer. He will be prince charming to get you “hooked” until he gets you right where he wants you.
This man has no soul. He lacks remorse for any of the abuse he has put those closest to him through.
He is a “user” — he will use you and anything you can do for him without batting an eye or thinking twice.
Despite the “shiny” outward appearance, nice car, expensive watch & fancy cologne collections…he is NOT financially stable or responsible.
He has a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde - “It’s MY WAY or the HIGHWAY” personality.
He has one helluva temper.
He holds a grudge and keeps a list of all your “grievances.”
He is “TIT FOR TAT” so beware!
That house is not all “his” - we still co-own it because despite my not wanting to have anything to do with it or him, “Chas” couldn’t refinance it his name only with the bank (probably due to his credit history).
He will throw a temper tantrum in a heartbeat - and in public!
He will blame all his ex’s (and eventually YOU) for EVERYTHING gone wrong in his life and all his relationships.
Chas will invade your privacy & go through ALL your personal belongings.
And ladies, that’s just the TIP of the iceberg! I have written plenty on my 8 years of hell with this man - “Chas” as he calls himself. I’ll provide some links to posts which go into a lot more detail about what life with this piece of “eye candy” was like, if you’re interested.
And if you’re not familiar with the terms narcissist, narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder, I’ve written on the topic to educate other women on men like “Chas”!
In closing - BE VERY CAREFUL ladies when using these dating sites and apps. DON’T BE FOOLED BY “EYE CANDY” OR a pretty smile! Do your research! Hell, do background checks AND credit checks before you get serious with someone. If something “feels” off, LISTEN to that inner voice, your gut instinct, your intuition or whatever you call it. Introduce the guy to someone you trust implicitly and let them be around enough to be able to tell you what think about him. But then, LISTEN to them!
My mom told me “Chas” was self-centered after the first trip we took back to my hometown. He threw a temper tantrum in front of my family when we went shopping, walked off and left us. He had an attitude when we went to go eat and tried to turn the entire trip into being “all about him” while blaming me for why he behaved so poorly when we got back to our hotel.
That was the first of MANY public temper tantrums this gorgeous piece of eye candy threw. In hindsight, I wish I would have listened to her and RAN the opposite direction right then & there!
I may still play around on dating apps/sites - but I assure it’s for entertainment purposes only. I have ZERO expectations of finding a partner or a healthy relationship resulting from using one of these apps. And you can best believe that I will NEVER make the same mistake I did with “Chas”!